Archive for June, 2007
Vanishing Point
“Just for kicks I like to put one of these down my pants.”
Finally a break from the horror marathon that I’ve been on the past few months. Vanishing Point is a return to the cult 1970’s car chases where vehicles got 12 miles to the gallon, everyone had perms, and girls rode around on motorcycles naked. Well maybe not that last one so much. Vanishing Point was the inspiration for Tarantino’s Death Proof which was a part of the double feature Grindhouse film and you can definitely see the influence. Though I think Tarantino made a better film.
Barry Newman plays our reluctant hero Kowalski, a man with a deep past, no first name, and a need for speed. Apparently no longer king of a sausage empire, Kowalski is actually a former race car driver now hooked on narcotics and working for a car delivery service. He has little regard for the car’s condition once they arrive so he drives them like they’re a Hertz rental car. The thin plot revolves around him making a bet with the local pimp that he can get a 70′ Dodge Challenger from Colorado to California in less than 15 hours. I say to always put your money on the pimp, they know how to play the odds.
The cops who have all the competence of the police force from the Dukes of Hazard , attempt to stop Kowalski from his speed infractions and non-signaled lane changes. This mostly consists of following his dust trail and cursing loudly but it’s a nice break from their decisions over glazed or sprinkled doughnuts.
Meanwhile in a desolate Arizona town where nobody apparently speaks, the only blind black DJ who plays R&B music learns of the epic car chase on his police band radio. As the entire Arizona police force chase our hero through the desert, “SuperSoul” (not his real DJ name) tries to talk to Kowalski through his radio broadcasts and through his SuperSoul Psychic Connection tm
Kowalski takes a shortcut off the main road encountering a snake catching prospector who helps him hide his vehicle from the police helicopters. The old man, who sounds a bit like Yosemite Sam, gives him some vague directions on how to actually get back onto the highway where our hero faces the choice of jail or forced construction labor. All these headaches could have been avoided with a planned route with Google maps.
Vanishing point has some decent car chase sequences and a naked girl on a motorcycle but overall it’s somewhat of a snoozer. I would advise watching Grindhouse instead. You’ll see the same great Dodge Challenger in some much better racing sequences and with some much prettier ladies driving it. Barry Newman sure makes an ugly girl with his 70’s perm.
Keep an eye out for…
- race car drivers with bad perms cranked on speed
- pipecleaner shaped naked girls on motorcycles
- jive takin’ blind psychic DJ’s
- death by highway construction
- gratuitous use of flashback sequences
- imprompto desert music festivals
- heat stroked snake catchers
- hippies on mopeds
SuperSoul…now with 40% more soul cleansing power.
rated 7.2 out of 10 for the movie
Learn more about this movie at imbd.com
Check out the trailer for Vanishing Point
Demons
“I don’t know which hurts more…being eaten by a demon or you twisting my nipples like that.”
Dario Argento the Italian master of horror wrote this little 80’s gem of terror. Yes the same man responsible for movies with underwater zombie/shark fight scenes and close up eye gougings.
Cheryl (Natasha Hovey) is your typical American girl living in the big American city (which appears to be West Berlin but whose nit picking?) On her way home from her communist rally she is stalked by a chromed masked guy in break dancin’ parachute pants who is giving away some free movie tickets. This stalker-marketing approach seems to work as she asks for another ticket for her equally dim-witted big haired friend-Hannah (Fiore Argento.)
That night at the theater opening, a big frizzy haired workers dressed like a giant leprechaun works the ticket booth and patrol the audience with her annoying flashlight. Among the small audience there’s a blind man and his seeing-eye girlfriend whose job it is to explain what’s happening in the film. She also likes to sneak away to make out with the greasy stranger in the back of the theater. There’s also a pimp and a couple of his employees taking a break from a long day at work. I knew he was a pimp from his disco leisure suit and the giant satellite sized gold medallion around his neck.
While at the theater Cheryl and her friend encounter a couple yuppies in polo shirts and tennis sweaters just fresh from shooting their docker pants commercials. Anyone that wears a sweater wrapped around their neck deserve a demon attack. The movie-within-the movie begins and has some teens motor-crossing across some ancient ruins eventually encountering a burial mask that turns them into a pointy teethed demon creatures. While seeing this on screen one of the theater patrons also transforms into a drooling demon and goes on a carnivorous rampage turning other theater patrons into monsters via some vicious neck slashing, eye gougings (of course) and impromoto lynchings. The survivors try to flee only to find an apparently fast contractor built a wall over the exits trapping them in so they instead barricade themselves on the balcony hoping for a rescue.
Meanwhile in what seems and entirely separate film, some coke snorting cola drinking Billy Idol fans are cruising the streets in on of their mom’s station wagon. Exchanging witty banter and eluding the cops through a series of carefully signaled right turns, they break into the now demon possessed theater. But unfortunately they get turned into demons themselves….so not really much of a character change for them. The movie continues into a cat and mouse chase ending with a helicopter crash. Yeah I was confused too.
What is the mystery of the creepy theater? Who will survive the night? Why do movie snacks cost more than the tickets? How many times did I mention the word “demons” in this review? All these questions and more are answered in “Demons.” This is one of few “Italian made, English dubbed, movies filmed in West Berlin that is supposed to be an American city” movies that I’ve enjoyed, so I say check it out and always be sure to check your pimps and ho’s for demon scratches.
Keep an eye out for…
- ticket scalping Phantom of the Opera rejects
- bald pimps in white leisure suits
- face scratching Halloweens props
- motorcycling samauri lobby displays
- illegal use of Billy Idol music in a station wagon
- eye gouging, neck scratching, leg chewin’, finger choppin’ demon party animals
- the handy-dandy Ginsu demon slicer
If gold medallions are a sign of being a pimp would Mr. T be the king of all pimps? I pity da pimps.
rated 8.4 out of 10 for the movie
Learn more about this movie at imbd.com
Check out the trailer for Demons
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