Raised on a steady diet of Rosen’s Drive-In’s “Famous Double-Decker Dogs”, and peach iced tea, Dan began to cultivate at a young age a life-long appreciation for the B-movie genre and it’s many sub-genres.

“Drive-In Dan” got his nickname after being born at Rosen’s Drive-In, where his mother worked. She went into labor while serving a customer at the concession window and gave birth while the film “It’s Alive” was playing on the big screen. Dan Rosen (owner and long-time friend of Drive-In Dan’s mother), along with his wife, Marlene, helped deliver the baby. Some of the “regulars” who were standing around at the time started to say his nickname, and from that point forward he became known as “Drive-In Dan.”

That night, Dan became a part of the drive-in’s family, and today he continues to be a local celebrity in his hometown. There is even a hot dog eating contest (that has gained national attention) bearing his name at the drive-in every August 13th to honor his birthday. The added exposure has helped breathe new life into the once dying establishment by putting it on the map as a favorite tourist attraction. Rosen’s Drive-In has become known for its showing of old B-movies from the 70’s and 80’s. In the fall Dan used to put on a yearly haunted house attraction that had sci-fi and horror-themed rooms, complete with traditional “pop-out gags” that developed quite a cult following.

As a young boy, double-billed “creature features” served as his babysitters while his single mom would work the night shift. Around the same time, Dan also started to take an interest in the poster art featured on the drive-in’s marquees for upcoming releases, and began drawing his own versions of his favorites such as “The Thing”, “Halloween 3″, and “Phantasm.” As the years passed, his fondness for the genre grew. He not only enjoyed the movies for their entertainment value, but was also fascinated by the special effects and makeup wizardry used to create the on-screen magic. When Dan isn’t busy running the drive-in’s film projector or greeting hordes of eager movie patrons in the parking lot, he spends his free time dreaming up and bringing to life his own cast of crazy B-movie characters inspired by the many films he has seen over the years.

While searching the Internet for a designer to create a web presence for his horror merchandise business, Drive-In Dan came into contact with graphic artist, Steve “The Retroman” Jencks, who owns and operates Retro DC, which specializes in web design, illustration, and logo branding. During the brainstorming and design phase of the project, Steve mentioned that he also ran a site dedicated to the B-movie genre called “Lost Highway.” The first time Dan visited Lost Highway, it was like he had just entered a paradise for low-budget movie lovers. From the genre-inspired layout to the written reviews, it was clear that this site was created by a true fan who celebrates the fun and cheesy universe of B-movies. In June 2008 Dan was invited to be a part of the Lost Highway family. He hopes that new and regular visitors will enjoy his contributions to the site.

No, this isn’t an exclusive never-before-seen photo from the new “Honey, I Shrunk My Head” movie. It’s Virgil Travis who was shaken, not stirred as a test tube baby.“

Head puppeteer Charles Band of Full Moon Pictures (now Full Moon Features) brings us yet another unnecessary killer doll movie with 1999’s “Blood Dolls.”

This is your typical out-for-revenge billion-are genetic freak who falls in love with his rival’s power-hungry dominatrix wife story, along with a supporting cast of deadly dolls and sideshow rejects that would make even P.T. Barnum feel at home.

The movie opens as software magnate Virgil Travis (Jack Maturin, a.k.a. “Chris”), who wears a latex mask that looks like “Destro” from G.I Joe with a bad case of the chicken pox, has just gotten the short end of an anti-trust ruling.  He seeks retribution with the help of his mini-slaughter squad against those who have double-crossed him (including the judge and prosecutor on the case).  The film suffers from “CGD” (Confused Genre Disorder).  It doesn’t know what it wants to be, and plays like a series of poorly-edited movie clips from a miscellaneous genre compilation DVD.  My gut feeling (not the bad burrito I ate) tells me that this film was thrown together using cannibalized parts from different scripts in order to make a quick buck and launch a new line of toy figures.

There really aren’t a lot of notable action scenes involving the “trio of terror”, except for a “Triple-Doll Dare” that goes horribly wrong, leaving Pimp (a 70’s Blaxploitation-style doll) with a barbecued noggin’, courtesy of a flame-throwing lawn ornament, in a scene reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s Pepsi commerical accident.  The Blood Dolls, designed by Mark Williams, look great and each character is an overblown racial stereotype that will no doubt  have the PC Police in a tizzy.  Unfortunately, the dolls take a backseat to the human dummies in the film with a screen time of less than 5 minutes.  In most cases if you blink you’ll miss them, kinda like Mike Tyson’s 90-second annihilation of Michael Spinks.

One of the brief highlights in the film comes from veteran actor Nicholas Worth (George Warbeck), who delivers some of the best and funniest lines in the movie. The bad news is that Warbeck’s personal security team is so inept  they would make Barney Fife and Gomer from “The Andy Griffith Show” look like trained assassins.   “Squires”, the lead guard, couldn’t hit a target if it was attached to the barrel of his gun, and second-in-command “Security Guy” (actual name) is a comic-book-reading rookie guard who is so dumb, he’d trip over a wireless connection.  In the movie they’re hired to “protect” a multi-million dollar mansion, but I wouldn’t let either one of these losers guard a cheap pack of chewing gum.

As if things weren’t already weird enough with a Bible-thumpin’ clown-faced assassin, an eye-patch-wearing “guard dwarf” with anger management issues, an S&M couple (Harrison and Moira Yullin), and killer dolls, director Band adds an imprisoned all-girl house band to the mix, which is forced (by electrical shock) to perform music selections at the request of their demented master.   When the girls (a slutty version of the Spice Girls) aren’t doing a mean Milli Vanilli lip-synching impersonation, or having extreme wet towel fights while fully clothed, they spend most of their time being trapped in bad music videos.  I’m pretty sure that Venesa  Talor as “Cotton Baby” had a “show boobs” clause in her contract (which wasn’t a problem, being that she is a former stripper) because at 3 minutes 57 seconds into the film, she has a spontaneous “boob-bustion” for no apparent reason, other than to fill a nudity quota of some kind.  It happens so fast it makes Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” look like a full-length feature.

From the first time we meet the Yullins it’s very obvious that Moira (Debra Mayer) is the one pulling all the strings in their relationship, and Harrison is merely a figurehead to his malevolent wife’s ambitions of world domination.  When this oddest of couples isn’t engaged in fetish role play, Mistress Moira sells her soft-core dominatrix videos online, and  Harrison teaches “Creepy Laughing 101″ at the local college, and also practices the fine art of goofy facial ticks.  Although actress Debra Mayer does an absolutely terrific job at modeling a variety of sexy-looking S&M outfits throughout the movie, most of her scenes and dialog with Virgil are so painful you’ll be begging for a morphine drip.

If you’re a fan of films from Full Moon’s glory days, then revisit some of their earlier classics like “Trancers 2″, “Puppet Master”, or “Subspecies” and avoid this shoddy mess of ridiculous subplots and bad directing.

Keep an eye out for….

- Terrifying use of flexible metallic conduit
- Soul-powered dolls
- Jack Attack’s clown makeup from “Demonic Toys”
- Spontaneous boobustion
- Robo-Rotary Tool of Death
- Creepy Laughing 101
- S&M Web of Death
- Song about a killer female sex organ
- Extreme wet towel fights
- Appearance by a Sith probe droid
- Daredevil stunt dwarf
- Dollman comic book cameo
- Dominatrix fashion show
- Jaw-dropping twist ending
- Falling dumbbells
- Surprise appearances by film crew and equipment

rated 2.5 out of 10 for the movie

Watch the trailer for Blood Dolls.

“When New York hookers have a slow week, they’ll often perform as street mimes for some extra cash.”

Back in Junior High science class we were forced to partake of the barbaric ritual of frog dissection. You’d think as a horror/sci-fi fan that I would be giddy in anticipating at slicing open a frog like some sort of evil mad scientist. But honestly real gore is well gross…I don’t like it…I don’t want to see it and I especially don’t want to touch it. The site of my own blood makes me qweezy, changing my daughters diapers is it’s own horror show (by the way never feed your kids pork and beans and fresh fruit before bedtime.) So the thought of pulling out those little goey frogs lungs in science class still makes me …oh…..ugh….wait…qweezy..room spinning….

When watching a horror movie I know the gore is fake, the situations are fake and I’m in no immediate physical danger of loosing a limb or having my soul swallowed… well at least during the work week. If I ever happen to be stuck at a summer camp with a history of teenage mutilations rest assured then I’ll be calling for a cab to take me home immediately. If I’m ever faced with the situation of battling demon elves that I inadvertently let loose while reading from the scrolls of an ancient book..well then that’s just my own darn fault for majoring in ancient Latin. But real life gore, like removing the innards from a helpless tree frog ,is not my idea of entertainment nor is it educational. Given the opportunity, I might try to hook it up to a car battery and jump start that little Kermit back to life. Sure It’ll probably shoot him across the room in an amphibian ball of flames smelling like french fries but at least I tried to bring the little green guy back to life. I am nothing if but pro-frog.

Jeffery Franken faces a similar dilemma in the cult classic Frankenhooker. Jeffrey is a mild manner Jersey electrician who has just lost his fiancee, Elizabeth, in a horrific lawnmower accident. Blondes should not operate heavy machinery while thinking or standing in front of them. Jeffrey somehow sneaks away his fiancee’s head in a bowling bag I’d presume and preserves her in the spacesaver fridge out in the garage right next to to the frozen fish fillets. He also happens to dabble in electro-genetics so he devices a plan to bring Elizabeth back from that great lawn clipping pile in the sky. Through the process of drilling his own head with a craftsman power tool he devices the brilliant plan to develop a batch of jiffy-pop explosive-crack cocaine to use on a group of hookers. It just goes to show people get inspired in all sorts of different ways. So It’s a 4th of July fireworks display of exploding hookers parts giving Jeff an all you can carry buffet of left ho-vers to use for his Elizabeth 2: Electric Boogalo. Through a lightening storm Elizabeth is resurrected as a brand new woman in high heeled Franken boots, purple eye shadow and a pointed bra but instead of being the dimwitted blonde, she’s a crazed hooker monster (a mooker?) out to make some extra cash. The only problem is she keeps scaring away customers and the few that she does bag surprisingly explode from all her pent up sexual static-electricity. All Jeffrey wants to do is settle down and make little Franken babies with her so he goes off to try to rescue her from her new career. I can’t believe I never saw this movie as a teenager It’s truly a fine example of 80’s horror/comedy. There’s also a great twist ending with revengeful spare hooker parts and a pimp named Zorro… you had to know a pimp was going to be involved somehow but he’s not a fencing masked vigilante. So head on down to the video store, put your money on the table and proudly ask if they have Frankenhooker in stock. Some Assembly may be required.

Keep an eye out for…

- combustible crack ho’s
- girlfriend lawn mulching
- head drilling
- explosive hamsters
- extreme sexual static friction
- whiplash decapitations
- bucket of legs and breasts (and it ain’t chicken)
- body building pimps named Zorro
- revengeful spare hooker parts

“Wanna Date? got any money?”
Hey aren’t those the first and last questions you should ask on a date?

rated 9.1 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Frankenhooker